i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
