insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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