sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
