Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
