3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
