Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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