I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
