the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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