Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
then he tried to convert me to islam
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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