Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize