I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
