Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
