YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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