If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
