dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
