You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
