um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Farmville is her only friend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
