Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
