I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
