You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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