All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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