So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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