pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
