Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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