I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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