my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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