You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
