It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
