her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
