my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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