I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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