Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
