I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
