how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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