im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
