Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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