Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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