Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
