i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
