I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i drank out of a bidet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
