oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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