dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
