After last night, I could never be a politician.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
