I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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