I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
