just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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