Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
