I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
