I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
