Your face is a jimmy john
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
