someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
