i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
